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justfun67 (Bob Hope humor) *

Bob Hope Humor


One of Bob Hope’s endearing traits was the ability to laugh at himself.  Here are some of his classic lines:

ü  On turning 70 years old: “You can still chase women, but only downhill.”

ü  On turning 80 years old: “That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.”

ü  On turning 90 years old: “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

ü  On turning 100 years old: “I don’t feel old.  In fact, I don’t feel anything until .  Then it’s time for my first nap.”

ü  On giving up his early boxing career: “I ruined my hands in the boxing ring — the referee kept stepping on them.”

ü  On sailors: “They spend the first 6 days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure.”

ü  On never winning an Oscar: “Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘PASSOVER’.”

ü  On golf: “Golf is my profession.  Show business just pays for my green fees.”

ü  On Presidents: “I have performed for 12 presidents, but entertained only 6!”

ü  On why he left England: “When I found out I couldn’t be king, I decided to try my luck elsewhere.”

ü On why he chose show business for his career: “When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, ‘You just gave birth to an 8-pound ham.’ “

ü  On receiving the Congressional Gold Medal: “I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.”

ü  On his family’s early poverty: “Four of us slept in one bed.  When it got cold, mother would just throw on another brother.”

ü  On his six brothers: “That’s how I learned to dance — waiting for the bathroom.”

ü  On his early failures: “I wouldn’t have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the food that audiences threw at me.”

ü  On going to heaven: “I’ve done benefits for ALL religions.  I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a mere technicality.”


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