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justfun47 (Golf, The World’s Most Exasperating Hobby ** )

Golf — The world’s most exasperating hobby!

Can you relate to the following suggestions and observations about this befuddling game we play with a small white ball? 

  • Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
  • When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
  • If you are afraid a full shot might reach the green while the group ahead is still putting, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up,
    or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
  • The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas with you about your golf swing.
  • If it isn’t broke, try changing your grip.
  • Golfers who claim they don’t cheat also lie.
  • Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
  • A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
  • It’s surprisingly easy to sink a 50-foot putt when you lie.
  • Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
  • Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
  • It’s not a ‘gimme’ putt if you’re still away.
  • The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through a large tree with large branches.
  • There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces just the way you intended to play it.
  • You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the time and a 2-inch branch on a tree 90% of the time.
  • Every time a golfer makes a birdie he must subsequently make three triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
  • If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Jordan Spieth try to hit just short of a water hazard.
  • To calculate the speed of a player’s downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap.  Example, backswing 20 miles per hour, handicap, 15, downswing 300 m.p.h.
  • There are only two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and
    which hand is wearing a glove.
  • Hazards attract, fairways repel.
  • You can put “hook” on the ball, you can put “slice” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.
  • A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
  • If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
  • If both balls are in the sand, yours is in the footprint.
  • Don’t buy a putter until you have had a chance to throw it.
  • The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.

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