Perfect Marriage (Red Skelton style!)
Following is Red Skelton’s recipe for the perfect marriage –
1) Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, and enjoy good food. I go on Tuesdays, she goes on Fridays.
2) We also sleep in separate beds. Her bed is in California and mine is in Texas.
3) I take my wife everywhere — but she keeps finding her way back.
4) I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said, “Somewhere I’ve never been before.” So I suggested the kitchen.
5) We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6) She has an electric blender, an electric toaster, an electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down”. So I bought her an electric chair.
7) My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She replied, “At the bottom of a lake.”
8) She got a mud pack and looked good for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9) She ran after the garbage truck, yelling: “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver yelled back, “No, jump in!”
10) Remember — Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11) I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know that her first name was Always.
12) I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
13) The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”