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So, how Mormon is Mitt Romney

How
‘Mormon’ is Mitt Romney?


So, how ‘Mormon’ is Mitt Romney?

 

  • Mitt
    Romney is so Mormon that he’s afraid to join the Tea Party because of
    Doctrine & Covenants Section 89.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’s related to the other Mormon presidential candidate and
    half of his own campaign volunteers as well.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon his campaign bus is a pioneer handcart.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d call 19-year-old boys to serve as US ambassadors.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon his Israel
    policy will be centered on Jackson County, Missouri.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’ll make the income tax a flat 10% and collect fast
    offerings to fund Medicaid.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he doesn’t do Pilates, he does golden Pilates.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that his campaign “oppo” team has done all the other
    candidates’ genealogy.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d make the Book of Mormon required reading at the Bureau
    of Indian Affairs.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d commission a presidential motorcade built entirely of
    10-passenger family vans.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon, he will actually hang the Constitution up by a thread, just
    so he can save it.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon, he will ask members of Congress to go home and pray about
    his economic plan.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d ask the Elders Quorum to move him into the White House.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that his first act will be to make July 24 a national holiday.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon, he asks donors to stack chairs after fundraising dinners.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’ll award Ty Detmer, Steve Young, and Jimmer Fredette the
    Congressional Medal of Honor.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he refers to expatriates as “apostates” and non-US citizens
    as “Gentiles.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that his campaign slogan is “What do you know about Mitt
    Romney?  Would you like to know more?”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’ll reroute the Freedom Trail through Palmyra,
    New York, Nauvoo,
    Illinois, and Winter Quarters, Iowa.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’ll rename the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms the
    Word of Wisdom squad.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d do an ad for the LDSChurch:
    “I’m a husband, father, and leader of the free world.  And I’m a
    Mormon.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he isn’t as concerned about getting American youth jobs as he
    is about getting them married.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he tried to convince CNN to let him bring a visual aid to the
    debate so he could turn it into an object lesson.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that he refers to Congress as “The Great and SpaciousBuilding
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’ll end every address with “hope you all get home without
    any harm or accidents.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’ll assign a friend to every new member of Congress.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he will use one room in the White House to store wheat &
    beans, and the White House chef will need to rotate the food storage.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon his Secret Service codename will be Mahonri Moriancumr.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he thinks Harvard is the BYU of the east.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon, he doesn’t campaign: he “fellowships.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that he’s installing two basketball hoops at the inaugural
    ball so there’s a place to hang decorations.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that he’ll change the name of “Cabinet Meeting” to
    “Correlation Meeting.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that if he got elected all of the White House Pyrex pans
    would have a piece of masking tape on them with his name written in
    Sharpie.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that he’s going to rename the 101st Airborne as “The
    Stripling Warriors.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon, he won’t deport illegal aliens, he’ll just disfellowship
    them.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon, he’ll rename FEMA the Federal Relief Society.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that if elected he’ll require every state to have an Official
    Casserole.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that he’ll appoint Lavell Edwards head of the Department of
    Defense.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that he’ll rename the weekly presidential address “Politics
    and the Spoken Word.”
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon that his cabinet would consist entirely of unqualified
    volunteers.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d outsource the department of education to the Boy Scouts.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d convene a linger-longer after cabinet meetings.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d hang a copy of the Proclamation on the Family and a
    picture of the Washington,
    D.C.
    LDS temple in the White
    House.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he has volunteers combing through old GOP voter rolls for
    less actives he can reactivate.
  • Mitt
    is so Mormon he’d ask the Chief Justice to use a SCRIPTURE QUAD at his
    inauguration

 


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