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France ( ** )

France

 

  • “France
    has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals.  Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine
    country.  France
    has usually been governed by prostitutes.”    —  Mark Twain
  • “I would
    rather have a German division in front of me that a French one behind
    me.”  —
    General George S. Patton
  • “Going
    to war without France
    is like going deer hunting without an accordion.”  — General
    Norman Shwartzkopf
  • “What
    do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
    national will fighting against Disneyworld and Big
    Macs than against the Nazis?”

—
Dennis Miller

  • “It is
    important to remember that the French have always been there when they
    needed us.”  — Alan Kent
  • “We
    can stand here like the French and do nothing, or we can do something
    about it.”  —  Marge Simpson
  • “As
    far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.”  — Jacques
    Chirac, President of     France.  “As far as France
    is concerned, you’re right, Mr. President!” —  Rush Limbaugh
  • “The
    only time France
    wants us to go to war is when the German army is sitting in Paris
    sipping coffee.”  —  Regis
    Philbin
  • “The
    French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on
    average, than the citizens of Baltimore.  True, you can sit outside in Paris

      and drink little
cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking
large glasses of beer I don’t know.”  — P. J. O’Rourke

  • “The French remind me a little
    bit of an aging actress of the 1940’s who was still trying to dine out on
    her looks but didn’t have the looks for it.”      —  John McCain

  • “Do
    you know why the French didn’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein?  Because he hates America,
    he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. 
    He is as French as the French!” 
    — 
    Conan O’Brien
  • “I
    don’t know why people are surprised that France
    wouldn’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq.  After all, France
    wouldn’t help us get Hitler out of France

      either.” 
— Jay Leno

  • “The
    last time the French asked for ‘more proof’, it came marching into Paris
    under a German flag.”  —  David
    Letterman
  • “The
    only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.”  — Ted
    Nugent, a Canadian
  • “War
    without France
    would be like ……  World War II.”
    — 
    Unknown satirist
  • “The
    favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says
    “First Iraq, then France.” —  Tom Brokaw
  • “They’ve
    taken their own precautions against al-Quaida.  To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman
    is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three day supply of
    mistresses in the house.”  — Argus Hamilton
  • “Somebody was telling me about
    the French army rifle that was advertised on EBay the other day.  The description was ‘Never shot, Dropped
    once.’ “      —      Representative Roy Blount

  • The French
    will only agree to go to war when we’ve proven that we have
     found     truffles in Iraq.
    — Dennis Miller
  • Raise
    your right hand if you like the French; raise both hands if you are French.
    — Unknown
  • What
    did the mayor of Paris say to
    the German Army as they entered the city in World War II?  “A table for 10,000, monsieur?”
  • “Do you know how many Frenchmen
    it takes to defend     Paris?  It’s not
    known because it has never been tried.”     —  Representative Roy Blount

  • “Do you know it only took the Germans
    three days to conquer     France in World War II? 
    It would have only taken two had it not been raining.”     —  John Xereas

  • Following
    the recent London terrorist
    bombings, The AP and UPI news agencies reported that the French government
    had raised its terror alert level from Run
    to Hide. 
    The only two higher levels in France
    are Surrender and Collaborate.  The rise in the alert level was precipitated
    by a recent fire which destroyed Frances‘s
    white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
  • News
    bulletin: THE FRENCH BAN FIREWORKS AT EURO DISNEY (AP) Paris,
    March 5, 2003.  “The French government announced that it
    is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.  The decision comes the day after a
    nightly fireworks display at the park located just 30 miles outside of Paris.  The fireworks display caused the soldiers
    at a nearby French army base to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.”

 

 

 

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