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justfun112 (English 101) *

English 101


ENGLISH 101

If you ever feel uneducated or inadequate, then just read on.  If you’ve learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the incredible language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.  Here are a few of the many reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

  • The bandage was wound around the wound.
  • The farm was used to produce produce.
  • The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • We must polish the Polish furniture.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  • The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  • A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  • When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  • I did not object to the object.
  • The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  • There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  • They were too close to the door to close it.
  • The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  • A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  • To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  • The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  • After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  • Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  • I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  • How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
  • A comb and a bomb were found in the tomb!
  • A rough bough was dragged through the trough.
  • There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger.
  • There is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
  • English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
  • Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
  • Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
  • Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
  • If the plural of goose is geese, why isn’t the plural of moose meese?
  • If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
  • If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
  • Only in the English language do people recite at a play and play at a recital!
  • Only in English do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
  • Only in English do we have noses that run and feet that smell.
  • How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
  • Isn’t it strange that your house can burn up as it burns down, that you fill in a form by filling it out, and your alarm goes off by going on?
  • Why is it that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?
  • Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?
  • My favorite:  A rough man with a cough stuck a bough through the dough.  (Five ‘ough’s, each with a different pronunciation!)

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