Select Page

justfun112 (English 101 ** )

English 101


If you ever feel uneducated or inadequate, then just read on.  If you’ve learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the incredible language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.  Here are a few of the many reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

  • The bandage was wound around the wound.
  • The farm was used to produce produce.
  • The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • We must polish the Polish furniture.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  • The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  • A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  • When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  • I did not object to the object.
  • The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  • There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  • They were too close to the door to close it.
  • The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  • A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  • To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  • The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  • After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  • Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  • I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  • How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
  • A comb and a bomb were found in the tomb!
  • A rough bough was dragged through the trough.
  • There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger.
  • There is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
  • English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
  • Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
  • Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
  • Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
  • If the plural of goose is geese, why isn’t the plural of moose meese?
  • If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
  • If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
  • Only in the English language do people recite at a play and play at a recital!
  • Only in English do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
  • Only in English do we have noses that run and feet that smell.
  • How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
  • Isn’t it strange that your house can burn up as it burns down, that you fill in a form by filling it out, and your alarm goes off by going on?
  • Why is it that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?
  • Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?
  • My favorite:  A rough man with a cough stuck a bough through the dough.  (Five ‘ough’s, each with a different pronunciation!)

Click here to return to the Jokes and Puns Menu page
Click here to return to the Scriptural Jokes Menu page
Click here to return to the Main Menu page