English 101
ENGLISH 101
If you ever feel uneducated or inadequate, then just read on. If you’ve learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the incredible language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Here are a few of the many reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After a number of injections my jaw got number.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
- A comb and a bomb were found in the tomb!
- A rough bough was dragged through the trough.
- There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger.
- There is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
- English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
- If the plural of goose is geese, why isn’t the plural of moose meese?
- If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
- If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
- If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- Only in the English language do people recite at a play and play at a recital!
- Only in English do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
- Only in English do we have noses that run and feet that smell.
- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
- Isn’t it strange that your house can burn up as it burns down, that you fill in a form by filling it out, and your alarm goes off by going on?
- Why is it that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?
- Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?
- My favorite: A rough man with a cough stuck a bough through the dough. (Five ‘ough’s, each with a different pronunciation!)
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