The Gospel according to St. Titleist
How many of the following golf ‘verses’ from the Gospel of St. Titleist can you relate to?
1) “Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.” — Grantland Rice
2) “Golf appeals to the fool in us and the child in us. Just how foolish golfers become is proven by their frequent childish inability to count past five.” — J. Updike
3) “It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.” — Robert Lynd
4) “If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.” — Horace G. Hutchinson
5) “They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is far more complicated than that.” — Gardner Dickinson
6) “If more people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, there would be far more deaths due to starvation.” — Sam Snead
7) “Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.” — William Wordsworth
8) “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” — Dean Martin
9) “If you are going to throw a golf club, throw it ahead of you down the fairway. That way you won’t waste time and energy going back to pick it up.” — Tommy Bolt
10) “Man blames fate for all other accidents, but takes personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one.” — Bishop Sheen
11) “I don’t say that my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they would come up sliced.” — Arnold Palmer
12) “My handicap? Woods and irons!” — Chris Codiroli
13) “The ardent golfer would play Mt.Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.” — Pete Dye
14) “I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them!” — Buddy Hackett
15) “I have a suggestion for those who have a hard time meeting new people. Just pick up someone else’s golf ball on a fairway.” — Jack Lemmon
16) “It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up a lost golf ball while it is still rolling.” — Mark Twain
17) “Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” — Harry Vardon
18) “May thy ball lie in green pastures and not in still waters.” — Ben Hogan
19) “If I hit it to the right, it’s a slice. If I hit it to the left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.” — An anonymous hacker
20) “The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” — George Deukmejian
21) “Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.” — Lee Trevino
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