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MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Mental Hospital Phone Menu


 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital.  Please select from the
following menu options:

 

  • If you
    are obsessive-compulsive, press “1” repeatedly.
  • If you
    are co-dependent, please ask someone to press “2” for you.
  • If you
    have multiple personalities, press “3”, “4”, “5” and “6”.
  • If you
    are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so
    we can trace your call.
  • If you
    are delusional, press “7” and your call will be forwarded to the
    MotherShip.
  • If you
    are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which
    number to press.
  • If you
    are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will
    make you happy anyway.
  • If you
    are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
  • If you
    are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after
    the beep.  Please wait for the beep.
  • If you
    have short-term memory loss, press “9”. 
    If you have short-term memory loss, press “9”.  If you have short-term memory loss,
    press “9”.
  • If you
    have low self-esteem, please hang up. 
    Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
  • If you
    are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and
    cry.  You won’t be crazy forever.
  • If you
    are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.”

 

 


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