MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Mental Hospital Phone Menu

 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital.  Please select from the
following menu options:

 

• If you
  are obsessive-compulsive, press “1” repeatedly.
• If you
  are co-dependent, please ask someone to press “2” for you.
• If you
  have multiple personalities, press “3”, “4”, “5” and “6”.
• If you
  are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so
  we can trace your call.
• If you
  are delusional, press “7” and your call will be forwarded to the
  MotherShip.
• If you
  are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which
  number to press.
• If you
  are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will
  make you happy anyway.
• If you
  are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
• If you
  are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after
  the beep.  Please wait for the beep.
• If you
  have short-term memory loss, press “9”. 
  If you have short-term memory loss, press “9”.  If you have short-term memory loss,
  press “9”.
• If you
  have low self-esteem, please hang up. 
  Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
• If you
  are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and
  cry.  You won’t be crazy forever.
• If you
  are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.”

 

 

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